Seven

Yesterday marked a milestone in my life. Yesterday was my 7-year "cancer-free" anniversary.

Seven years. Wow. Although this anniversary was different than the others I've marked as this one just a regular Sunday. I didn't think about it much, actually I forgot about it until late in the day. I was not consciously trying to *forget* it but rather had a lot of projects happening simultaneously. When it did occur to me I though about sending a tweet or writing a blog entry but then opted for other activities including my latest baking triumph.

It isn't that I don't care about 7-years and it isn't that 7-years isn't significant, it is. I've always been a bit timid about celebrating too quickly or too hard because you never know what is right around corner. After all my mother had a recurrence of her cancer within weeks of celebrating her 5-year mark and it scared me to the core.

While lying in bed last night, trying to get my brain to shut off and sleep to take over I thought about why the day hadn't been more emotional than other anniversaries had been and the thought that came to mind over and over again was... "Time heals all wounds." Time has certainly lessened the sting of the physical and emotional scars of cancer. Time has made me more confident and less afraid of losing my life. Time has made me feel more normal.

So here is to SEVEN, I'm looking forward to hanging out with you for a while and not just because you started off with a clean scan and a *good* call from the doctor, but because you seem more stable and less emotional than 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

Weekend Wrap-Up: 10/16 - 10/18

It was a busy but good fall weekend. Here are the highlights:

• Went to the doctor and was diagnosed me with bilateral ear infections and a sinus infection resulting in a prescription for antibiotics.
• Took a nap.
• Met my friend Nikki for a crepe lunch at Citizen.
• Ran by the office.
• Got my prescription filled.
• Enjoyed a dinner of Mac 'n' Cheese and beer with Don at McMenamins on Friday night.
• Slept in (well until nearly 9 a.m.) on Saturday morning.
• Bought some new music from iTunes and played with my music library and enjoyed a quiet morning at home.
• Ran around with my colleague Amy to find all the items needed to create our Halloween costumes.
• Reviewed some Cisco flashcards with Kat.
• Saw Love Happens at Gold Class Cinemas with Kat.
• Picked up a Electric Kettle at Bed Bath and Beyond.
• Had a yummy dinner at Cheesecake Factory in Bellevue with Don and Kat.
• Slept until 8:30 a.m. on Sunday when the phone woke me up which didn't bother me too much when I realized it was a colleague telling me that she didn't need me to come in and help prep for an audit after all.
• Enjoyed coffee and pumpkin cheesecake (from dinner the night before) for breakfast in bed surrounded by several months worth of Martha Stewart Living and Bon Appetit.
• Narrowed down my new recipe finds to a few for this week and made a grocery list.
• Ran to Target to pick up some essentials and a new iPod player for my car (I crushed the old one in the center console, oops).
• Picked up a copy of The Bread Bakers Apprentice at Barnes and Noble so that I can start the BBA Challenge.
• Ran to the Apple Store so Don could get a case for his new iPhone.
• Went to Crate and Barrel and ONLY bought a new cooling rack and a Bake/Store cake pan but that is because we made ourselves stop browsing.
• Went to the grocery store.
• Spent the late afternoon and evening in the kitchen. I made Oatmeal (for breakfast this week), New England Clam and Corn Chowder with Herbs (for lunches this week), a Carrot Cake (to take to the office on Monday in honor of October birthdays) and Crispy Chicken for dinner.
• Watched Thursday nights episode of Bones.

How was your weekend?

Weekend Wrap-Up: 9/25 - 9/27 & 10/2 - 10/4

Its a super-sized edition of the Weekend Wrap-Up with the highlights of the last 2 weekends. Enjoy!

9/25 - 9-27:

• Woke and dressed in profession wear and head to Ballard to pick up Kathleen on Friday morning.
• Had a good time mingling with sisters from other chapters at the Seattle Area P.E.O. Reciprocity meeting.
• Had a lovely al fresco lunch with Kathleen at Sonrisa at U Village.
• Dropped off Kathleen and headed home.
• Processed about several winter squash and a bunch of yellow squash for the freezer.
• Caught up on episodes of my favorite TV shows.
• Did Laundry.
• Enjoyed breakfast at the Queen Anne Cafe where I proclaimed that I am DONE with breakfast potatoes.
• Ran errands.
• Processed the other half of the winter squash and several large zucchini for the freezer (in total I processed 98 pounds of vegetables).
• Slept in WAY longer than usual on Sunday morning. Yay!
• Enjoyed a quiet day at home with household chores on Sunday.
• Quizzed Kat on Cisco flashcards while Don made dinner.

10/2 - 10/4:

• Got my second mammogram of the year, all is well and I'm off the hook until 2010.
• Took a nap when my afternoon plans fizzled.
• Enjoyed a relaxing evening a home catching up with the TiVo.
• Got my flu shot.
• Enjoyed breakfast at The Original Pancake House with Don and Kat.
• Picked up some new jeans at Catherine's.
• Got ready for the cooler weather by getting new long sleeve tees and a sweater at JC Penney.
• Went to Office Max twice trying to buy toner for my printer. Note to self: write down the model number next time.
• Celebrated a milestone for my associate and friend Amy with drinks at Elysian Fields, taking the *adult* version of the Seattle Underground Tour and having a late dinner at Mama's Mexican Kitchen.
• Enjoyed a quiet Sunday at home with lots of household chores.

How was your weekend?

The bugs they love me....

Two of the twenty or so bug bites turned welts on my legs from an afternoon hike. Guess the Vitamin B and Garlic I've took to prevent bites didn't work.

Ready for summer hiking

My new ankle brace should make all the summer fun I have planned much easier. :-)

Weekend Wrap-Up: 1/9 - 1/11

It was a good weekend, here are the highlights:

• Slept in on Friday morning, oh how I love my 3-day weekends.
• Ran to the office to drop of the boxes of files I picked up from the former International Sales Director during our transition meeting on Thursday afternoon.
• Picked up one of the new tea drinks at Starbucks and took Barney on a walk atop Queen Anne hill.
• Walked down to McMenamins for lunch and a pint with a friend.
• Packed up some of the Christmas stuff.
• Smiled as Saturday marked six years cancer free! It was a far less emotional experience than 5 years.
• Met Kat for lunch at The Cheesecake Factory in Bellevue and then some shopping at Bellevue Square and Lincoln Square.
• Picked up a container for my artificial Christmas tree at The Container Store.
• Ran by the grocery store to pick up a few items.
• Took Barney on a long walk in the rain.
• Tried to add HBO to my DirecTV channel lineup but had to pick a new channel package before I could make any changes since I was on a package that no longer existed. I picked the "Choice" Package which is what I had before but now it contains E!, which wasn't in the old lineup. :-)
• Reprogrammed my TiVo's with the new channel lineups and downloaded all the new data.
• Marveled at the number of Christian networks are available for viewing now. I have 11!
• Watched Runaway Bride and Away From Her.
• Slept in a bit on Sunday morning.
• Organized the house and did a bit of ironing.
• Took a trip over to my brother's home in Port Orchard.
• Had a "comfort food" dinner with Don at McMenamins on Sunday evening.
• Packed up a few more Christmas items and then headed off to bed.

How was your weekend?

Weekend Wrap-Up - 1/2 - 1/4

It was a pretty quiet one, here are the highlights:

• Worked on Friday, which is typical of "holiday" weeks, but I'm growing tired of working on Friday's.
• Had a runny nose, headache and mild fever upon arriving home and decided to stay in and get some extra rest for fear of it turning into a real cold.
• Organized my closet which was on the verge of being declared a disaster area.
• Curled up on the couch with Barney and caught up on my TiVo recordings.
• Went to bed early.
• Toss and turned, most of the night, ugh!
• Woke bright and early for the usual Saturday morning laundry, coffee routine.
• Had breakfast at Queen Anne Cafe following the laundry.
• Completed a few household chores.
• Took a nap.
• Enjoyed Chinese takeout at Kipp's while sharing stories of our holiday adventures.
• Woke when my alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. on Sunday morning and was about to get in the shower when I realized it was Sunday.
• Went back to bed and slept for a few more hours.
• Stayed in my pajamas until 2, I love Sunday's!
• Did some organizing and prepping for the week ahead.
• Warmed up some leftovers from the New Years celebration with the family for dinner.
• Headed to bed early in an attempt to get back on my "normal" sleeping schedule for the week ahead.

Pretty boring, but I was able to knock the cold out of my system. How was your weekend?

2008 - The Top 10 Highlights

It’s hard to believe but another year is coming to an end. As a child I remember my folks complaining about how quickly the years went by; I was unable to relate because they seemed to just drag on for me. But at the ripe old age of 35, I get it. The years pass by in an instant and with each one that passes the speed increases.

When I began thinking about 2008 my initial response was negative, thankful that it was almost over. After all, my faced another fight against cancer, my brother Jimmy had one of those “one bad thing after another years,” my job was more frustrating and challenging than previous years, my birthday sucked and Thanksgiving was a family drama nightmare. But then I decided to list the “highlights” from 2008 and my list numbered 15 after only a few minutes of brainstorming. Feeling better about my outlook on 2008, I decided to create a Top 10 list of my favorite 2008 memories, and here it is:

10. Replacing my 13 year old mattress with the most wonderful mattress in the world, even if it’s so tall that I can barely get up on it.

9. Being able to see clearly following my eye surgery in June. I had no idea what I was missing and I love being able to drive at night again.

8. Having my mentor, Pauli Marr and my mom in town at the same time, we laughed until we cried, we laughed until it hurt.

7. Creating a wonderful birthday celebration for Jimmy’s 30^th in May.

6. Sharing Seattle with my Cuz (Karri) and her Huz (Dale). We soaked up the sun, ate too much, drank too much and had a wonderful time.

5. Getting to know Barney, the cutest Beagle in the entire world.

4. Rejoicing on Election Night with the rest of the country as history was made and the wave of change swept across the country.

3. Paying off my debt to Oregon State University and finally receiving my degree.

2. Celebrating my 5 Year Cancer Free Anniversary with laughter and tears and a trip to my favorite beach in the whole world.

And my top memory of 2008….

1. Surprising Don with tickets to Vienna Teng in San Francisco on his birthday. I’ll remember the look on his face for the rest of my life. And the trip rocked too.

Here is hoping 2009 is filled with as many wonderful moments! Happy New Year!

Weekend Wrap Up - 11/14 - 11/16

My poor blog has been so neglected of late. I could give you the army of excuses, but I won't. I've just been introspective and haven't felt much like posting. I'm finally dusting off the draft folder and getting a bunch of these posts up so that I'm caught up. Here is the wrap-up for the weekend 11/14 - 11/16:

• Accompanied my friend Suzie to UW Medical Center for surgery on her hand.
• Listened to lots of little beeps for my annual hearing test.
• Spent more time in the waiting room for Suzie to come out of surgery.
• Listened to all the instructions and took Suzie home to rest.
• Played pool and drank beer with Don at Rock Bottom Brewery.
• Ran some much needed errands to Safeway and Pet's Mart.
• Picked up a coat for Barney to keep him warm and dry.
• Had dinner at Kipp's.
• Ironed and got myself ready for the week ahead.

Exciting life I lead, I know.

Weekend Wrap-Up

The weather was absolutely perfect this weekend in Seattle, I hope it stays like this for a few more weekends. Hey, I can wish! The highlights:

• Attended to a few medical appointments on Friday morning. I love having Friday's off, I take my time with appointments and I'm not always thinking about rushing back to work, it's lovely.
• Had lunch with a friend at Buckley's.
• Relaxed and enjoyed a quiet evening at home.
• Watched Stand Up To Cancer and found it informative and much less annoying that most fundraising programs.
• Slept in a bit on Saturday morning.
• Completed a bunch of household chores and projects around the house.
• Watched the beginning of the Oregon State vs. Penn State football game until it was just too painful to watch anymore.
• Enjoyed the sun, big boats, yummy food and good wine with Don at Bell Street Diner on Saturday evening.
• Discovered that BYU fans are even more annoying outside the state of Utah. GO UTES!
• Had a perfect Sunday morning complete with pj's, coffee, TV news/politics, cinnamon rolls.
• Watched Separate Lies and Three to Tango, both recorded as suggestions by my TiVo. The fall TV schedule can't start soon enough.
• Did the grocery shopping for the week and it all fit in 2 reusable bags but the one was so stuffed I could barely get it out of the cart, let alone up 3 flights of stairs.
• Read and relaxed while making dinner.
• Crawled in bed amazed that the weekend was over already.

How was your weekend?

Weekend Wrap-Up

It was a HOT one in Seattle. The highlights:

• Attended to some appointments on Friday morning. The best thing about a 4-day work week is that you have an entire day to schedule appointment and can be leisurely about it.
• Completed many of my household chores while sweating in my 80+ degree apartment on Friday afternoon.
• Enjoyed a quiet evening at home. Watched the Olympics, read and surfed the internet.
• Saturday morning was all about, that's right, Laundry!
• Watched more Olympics, gotta love em, read and relaxed on Saturday afternoon.
• Completed a very successful outing to the Costco Home store in Kirkland. I picked out my new mattress in less than an hour.
• Attended a gathering for friends and alumni of Westminster College at a lovely home in Bellevue.
• Enjoyed a lakeside patio dinner with Don, Kat and Nancy at The Beach Cafe at Yarrow Bay Grill.
• Walked around Fisherman's Terminal on Sunday morning, it was nice and cool on the water.
• Had a yummy breakfast at The Bay Cafe.
• Spent the bulk of Sunday afternoon in my bedroom enjoying the air conditioning while I gave myself a mani/pedi, read, watched old episodes of Gilmore Girls and the Olympics.
• Ventured into the non air conditioned part of the apartment to fix some dinner. Grilling was the only option due to the heat.
• Watched even more Olympic coverage while I ate dinner.

Now it's off to prepare for the week ahead, then bed. How was your weekend?

Draft Folder Clean-Up

I just realized that my Drafts folder is filled with half-written, never posted update on recent happenings in my life. Also, it's been a while since posted a bunch of random stuff all together, so here goes.

Originally titled: I can see clearly now!

I've made a couple of references to surgery that I've had recently and wanted to share a bit more about it. I had eye surgery to treat posterior capsule opacity (a.k.a. secondary cataract) on Tuesday, June 10th. The procedure is called a YAG Laser Capsulotomy and by surgery standards is pretty easy as I was able to eat and drink prior to the surgery, didn't have to deal with anesthesia or extensive pain and was back to normal within a few days.

The surgery itself was a breeze. They strapped my head into a harness which holds the laser and I had to stare at a bright light and hold very still during the procedure. The doctor had explained it all to me but I had the distinct impression that the laser would only be fired a few times, certainly less than 10, but that was a misconception because it got 96 blasts to my left eye and 104 to my right. Following the blasts the nurse rinsed my eyes thoroughly with a saline eye bath and they sent me on my way. Don arranged to work from home so he was able to drive me and then stay with me while I recovered. I had a mild headache and slept for a couple of hours immediately after getting home. When I woke, my eyes were still a bit dilated but I could already see improvement. Over the next few days it just got better and better.

I saw the doctor for a follow-up appointment one week after surgery he was extremely pleased with the results, as am I. My vision is back to the nearly normal place it was following my cataract surgery 5 years ago. I'm absolutely amazed by everything I see, it's all so shiny and bright and pretty. The one thing that I wish I hadn't seen... the age spots, freckles and wrinkles on my face, getting old isn't pretty.

Originally titled: Dancing Round the World

Famous dancer and fellow Seattleite Matt Harding has just finished his latest world travel dancing video, you can see it below. He became a YouTube success in 2006 when he posted his first dancing video which shows him doing a goofy dance in cities and countries around the world. I saw if for the first time a couple of years ago and started reading his blog on a regular basis. He has a great sense of humor and always makes me laugh, plus I love that he is doing something that he is passionate about and he's from Seattle.

Matt and his girlfriend just returned home from another amazing journey and his new video is filled with another great collection of clips, and this time the locals are dancing with him in many of the shots. It's awesome, way to go Matt!



Originally titled: Long live the 3-day weekend

Due to rising gas prices the company that I work for has made the decision to offer employees the opportunity to work four 10-hour days, instead of the typical five 8-hour days. We realize that our customers shouldn't be forced to adhere to this schedule so it took some juggling to make sure that every department would be covered Monday - Friday and once that was approved we were able to start our new schedules on Monday, June 23rd. I now work Monday through Thursday from 7:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., which I am thrilled about. More importantly this means that every weekend is a 3-day weekend! Hooray!

I was a bit worried about a 10-hour workday but I did fine the first week, the days went by quickly and I found that I was actually a whole lot more productive that during an 8-hour day where everything seems more condensed. Where I did note the difference was in my evening plans and activities, since I am now home later and leaving earlier, I have less time at home to get stuff done during the week, but I have to remember that is was the extra day is for. I have a whole laundry list of things that I want to do with my new day off, including:

• Clean out the storage room
• Clean old clothes, shoes, etc out of my closet
• Do some volunteer work
• Visit Seattle neighborhoods where I haven't spent much time
• Visit some museums
• Take long walks

I'm anxious to see how I feel about this change in a couple of months and see if I have accomplished anything on my list as a result.

Weekend Wrap-Up

I left work on Friday afternoon feeling a bit worn out and a cold coming on. My weekend was pretty low key as a result of trying to beat the cold and prepare for the week ahead including surgery on Tuesday, the highlights:

• Tried to drown the cold germs with Vitamin Water.
• Laundry.
• Found 11 ponytail holders in their favorite hiding place, under my bed.
• Deep cleaned my bedroom including vacuuming under the furniture.
• Napped.
• Cleaned the apartment.
• Blew the circuit breaker controlling the power to my bedroom and office and was unable to reset it.
• Showered and dressed and then made the decision to cancel my plans for Saturday night, the couch was just too tempting and my nose was not happy.
• Waited for my apartment manager to come and check out the circuit breaker situation only to learn that he couldn't fix it.
• Watched No Reservations, The Ron Clark Story and Prime.
• Napped, again.

Pretty boring. By the end of the weekend the head cold was improving and my apartment was sparkly clean, so not a total waste. How was your weekend?

War Against Pink

I remember when Yoplait began their campaign to Save Lids to Save Lives campaign year ago, I carefully cleaned my lids and at the end of the month filled an envelope and sent them off to Yoplait. I was so proud that I was doing something to help the fight against breast cancer.

As a marketing person I have to admit that I thought the Yoplait campaign was a very clever one but that was before everyone else in the world jumped on the bandwagon. The infiltration of pink over the past years has just become too much for me to deal with. During Breast Cancer Awareness month last year I was shocked by the sheer numbers of products turning pink in the name of fighting cancer and began to get suspicious about how much money was really going to breast cancer research.

This morning I was reading one of my regular blog reads, A Sizeable Apple and noted an article she had written about the same thing. She refers to a website titled Think Before You Pink which exposes the real truth behind many of the pink campaigns out there including the amount of money donated and the company's commitment, or lack of, creating safe products. It's shocking how little money is being donated from many of these campaigns when you think about the sheer volume of sales generated. I will certainly use this as a tool when decided whether to buy pink products or not in the future.

Anniversary

Today marks a significant milestone in my life and it is a day that I have been waiting a very long time for.

Five years ago today I lay in a hospital bed as my oncologist walked into my room to tell me that the surgery, chemotherapy, numerous drugs and blood transfusions had worked, for all intensive purposes I was *cancer free.* Holding on to that *cancer free* declaration is the key to really beating this horrible disease. Today I am no longer a statistic, I am officially a member of the 42% of people are diagnosed with my type of cancer and live to celebrate 5-years.

I will mark today in a very ordinary fashion as it will be like any other Thursday. That in itself is a celebration as 5 years ago I was unable to do even ordinary things. I have spent a great deal of time recently reflecting on my journey and all of the different emotions I have been through. For the past week my mind has been racing with many different emotions including:

• Joy - for reaching this milestone!
• Relief - that I don't have to count down the years, months and days anymore.
• Anger - that I had to have cancer in the first place.
• Frustration - for the ways that my life is changed forever as a result.
• Gratitude - for having exceptional medical treatment and talents of wonderful physicians.
• Appreciation - for the path that cancer set me out on and where I am today.
• Love - for the people that have made a difference along the way.

I have also been thinking a great deal about the people that made a profound impact on me during the last 5+years. There are few words to express my gratitude, but I'm going to try anyway.

Elisa: Thank you for taking the lead when I didn't have the strength to do so, for giving me a home, spiritual support and unmeasurable love.

Jenna: Thank you for picking me up and brushing me off (literally) over and over again, for buying me hats, making me laugh, watching movies that I slept through and listening to me.

My Mom: Thank you for your unconditional love, for cooking all my favorite meals to keep me off TPN, listening to me and wiping away my tears.

Paige: Thank you for being next to me when I faced my darkest day, for listening to my "crazy talk" and crying with me.

Don: Thank you for giving me a safe place to share my feelings and my fears, for listening to me, for reminding me about the big picture and for never patronizing me.

Okay, that is enough "sap on tap" for today! I've got neon colored cupcakes on my desk so right now I think it's time to post this and take a coffee/cupcake break!

Lotion Applicator Found

You may recall that earlier today that I was unsuccessful in my search for a lotion application tool. Well the search is over. I received an email from Don and Katharine's mom, Nancy, tonight and she found the lotion applicator on the Vermont Country Store website. YEAH!

End of the month catch up

I have been lousy about writing lately. It's not from lack of news or interesting things to share. I often think to myself that "I need to blog about that" but then the thought of getting my computer and writing is just too much and the desire fades.

It was also complicated by a great sense of being overwhelmed this month. January has been insane and it hasn't been until this week that I finally feel that I have everything under control. I don't know if it was getting back into a "normal" routine after the holiday season, increased responsibility at work, school or what but I have been feeling disorganized and discombobulated, like I am treading water and barely keeping myself above water. But this week has been better, I am finally feeling in control again.

So without further ado, some happenings and thoughts from my world.

I have decided that I dislike the work Puyallup.

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As I usually do on Tuesday evenings, I watched Gilmore Girls last night. It's been a rough season for *my girls* with a change in network and writing teams leaving many of the episodes at the beginning of the season flat and very un-Gilmore. I almost wrote about this after watching last weeks episode but didn't want to jinx the remainder of the season but the last 2 episodes have been a drastic improvement. The zany quick wit of the characters is back especially with Lorelei's "monkey, monkey, underpants" speech last week. And then last nights episode made me cry, something that hasn't happened it quite some time. :-)

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I had a *bad stomach day* yesterday. I have not had one in a REALLY long time and forgot how miserable they were. Bad days are usually the result of eating something that I shouldn't have. When I was having them on a regular basis I was really careful about everything that I ate, but since my system has returned to a "normal" I had to really think about what it may have been. The only thing that I consumed that was "out of the ordinary" was cranberry juice. I didn't think that it could be the culprit but after a little investigation on the Internet I think it may be.

I am not a huge fan of fruit juice in general because it usually leads to a painful acidic stomach pain but decided that something mild like Cranberry juice would be fine. I won't be doing that again for quite some time.

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I went to Costco after work last night and my refrigerator is packed! I have enough burritos, chicken pot pie, chicken breasts, and veggies to last me quite some time. I am glad that I left the frozen food section when I did because I don't think that I could fit another thing in my freezer.

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I continue to search unsuccessfully for a pair of headphones that don't hurt my ears/head. I really hate the ear buds that fit inside your ears. I don't know if I have small ear opening or what but they never fit properly and they hurt. I really like the kind that go around the back of the head but the recent pair that I purchased squeezes too tightly and gives me a headache. If you have any suggestions, let me know.

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That's all for now. Happy Hump Day!

Good for another year

This week I completed the tests for my annual cancer check-up. The good news is that everything is clean and in some instances it is even better than last year. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and marked one more year off the count that I keep in my head.

So it’s official… 4 years, cancer free!

Five year survival is the ultimate goal to which I have been striving for the last four. The odds of reoccurrence decrease every year, but the ultimate goal, the “magic number” is 5. After 5 years of clean tests I can be reclassified from “cancer free” to “remission.” Four years ago the thought of striving for a goal five years away way overwhelming and way too distant; Now that I only have one year to go, and four years behind me, it seems like a breeze. I always said that I wanted to do something significant to mark my 5 years, but I didn’t want to jump the gun and start planning it at year 1 or 2, but I think it might be time to start thinking seriously about how I want to mark this milestone in my life.

I am so fortunate to have the love and support of good friends and family members. Thank you! You are the best cheerleaders that a girl could ask for. I think that my friend’s husband said it best on the phone last night when he said, “So, you are good for another year! Congratulations!”

Favorite Cancer Book

I was hanging out at home on Friday, October 13^th and had the TV on in the background when 20/20 came on. They did a story about a movie that would be appearing on the Lifetime network the following week. It was based on the book Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy by Geralyn Lucas. I stopped what I was doing and watched the interview. I was blown away by Geralyn’s gutsy nature and attitude towards her journey and felt and immediate kinship with her.

I picked up the book during a shopping trip with a friend that weekend. I immediately began reading it and I loved it. I have read a lot of books about cancer. I have read stories of those that have won the battle and those that have not. I have always found pieces of each and every story that I have related to, but there was something raw and honest about the way that Geralyn told her story that is like nothing else I have ever read in a cancer memoir.

There are some similarities about our stories (we both underwent surgery and chemo in our 20’s, we are both the oldest child with two younger brothers) but also some obvious differences (she had breast cancer, I did not). Yet I felt at times that she had found a way to articulate many of the fears and feelings that she had in a natural, profound and elegant way; that I have never been able to.

She had encounters with not so sensitive doctors, as did I. She shared her diagnosis with complete strangers only to have them share something totally profound and meaningful, as did I. She second guessed her decisions about treatment, as did I. She was scared, as was I. I found the following passage to be one of the most profound in the entire book.

When the technician asked me if I was claustrophobic right before he put me into the huge machine, it made me think about all the things that I’m really scared of now that I have cancer. He dimmed the lights and I considered telling him that I am actually scared of the dark or pretending I’m claustrophobic so I could get our of this thing. Because I am terrified I can’t handle more bad news. I’m scare of dying before I turn thirty.

The lab technician looked so serious that he was making me even more scared. Why couldn’t he just smile--would it kill him?

When the machine started to rumble I was embarrassed to remember the things that used to scare me:

Cockroaches.

Wearing no makeup and running into an old boyfriend who broke my heart.

Algebra.

Having to ride from the lobby up to the tenth floor alone with Barbara Walters at work-how do I make conversation for ten straight floors?

Having to tell my doorman that I forgot my key to my apartment again and could I borrow the secret key just one more time?

The dark (I always sleep with a nightlight on).

Now I am just scared that my cancer has spread.

I am scared they will tell me they can’t cure me and that I only have months to live.

I am scared they will discover that the pain in my neck is actually a huge tumor and not a pulled muscle from trying to look cool at the gym.

I am scared that people at work are just being nice because they think I might die.

I am scared my husband secretly thinks he married damaged goods.

I am scared not enough people will come to my funeral. I am scared that I did not amount to enough. I am scared that I will not have an obituary. Scared that my student loans will not even be paid off when I die (I check the fine print and felt a little better knowing that they can’t make you pay if you’ve died). I am scared that my younger brother Howard will not be able handle his sister dying on him. I’m his big sister and I’m supposed to protect him. I am scared I have let so many people down by getting cancer. It is so strange to have cancer at twenty-seven. I’m not a kid with cancer--that’s super tragic. But I am still young enough that it is quasi-kid tragic. I feel like such a baby having my parents there with me at my doctor appointments. I need my mommy and daddy now. I was never scared of monsters when I was little. I am so scared of cancer now.

I am scared to go to sleep because I think I won’t wake up. I will just close my eyes and I won’t even know that I died. Is that how people die? Will I know that I died? I am scared on rainy and cold nights that I will be lonely when I die, I will miss everyone. I am scared that I won’t be missed.

I am scared that my cancer is incurable. That it is aggressive-- I mean, how could I ever have a passive cancer? No way. Just ask my Dad. I am scared sometimes when it is quiet that the cancer is starting to grown again. That it is swishing around my body as my heart is beating.

I am scared that I will never be the same.

If you are looking for a very-real yet positive story of someone facing cancer, I recommend this book. I didn’t want to watch the movie until I had finished the book, so I have seen it yet, but I have talked to several friends who have seen it and thought it was good. Also you can check out Geralyn's website at: http://www.whyiworelipstick.com/

Wednesday Wrap-Up

I figured out why my stomach was bothering me yesterday. It was the Safeway brand instant oatmeal that I bought at the store. I usually cook a big batch of oatmeal on the weekend and then heat up a individual portion every morning. This week I decided to give the instant Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal a try. Won't be doing that again.

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The DELETE button on my keyboard at work stopped working today. I think it's been overused. ;-)

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It rained all day today. It has been a long time since we have had a fully gray, rainy and dreary Seattle day.

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"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."

--Terry Pratchett

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I am going to eat some yummy soup and curl up on the couch with a book tonight.