Five years ago today I lay in a hospital bed as my oncologist walked into my room to tell me that the surgery, chemotherapy, numerous drugs and blood transfusions had worked, for all intensive purposes I was *cancer free.* Holding on to that *cancer free* declaration is the key to really beating this horrible disease. Today I am no longer a statistic, I am officially a member of the 42% of people are diagnosed with my type of cancer and live to celebrate 5-years.
I will mark today in a very ordinary fashion as it will be like any other Thursday. That in itself is a celebration as 5 years ago I was unable to do even ordinary things. I have spent a great deal of time recently reflecting on my journey and all of the different emotions I have been through. For the past week my mind has been racing with many different emotions including:
- Joy - for reaching this milestone!
- Relief - that I don't have to count down the years, months and days anymore.
- Anger - that I had to have cancer in the first place.
- Frustration - for the ways that my life is changed forever as a result.
- Gratitude - for having exceptional medical treatment and talents of wonderful physicians.
- Appreciation - for the path that cancer set me out on and where I am today.
- Love - for the people that have made a difference along the way.
Elisa: Thank you for taking the lead when I didn't have the strength to do so, for giving me a home, spiritual support and unmeasurable love.
Jenna: Thank you for picking me up and brushing me off (literally) over and over again, for buying me hats, making me laugh, watching movies that I slept through and listening to me.
My Mom: Thank you for your unconditional love, for cooking all my favorite meals to keep me off TPN, listening to me and wiping away my tears.
Paige: Thank you for being next to me when I faced my darkest day, for listening to my "crazy talk" and crying with me.
Don: Thank you for giving me a safe place to share my feelings and my fears, for listening to me, for reminding me about the big picture and for never patronizing me.
Okay, that is enough "sap on tap" for today! I've got neon colored cupcakes on my desk so right now I think it's time to post this and take a coffee/cupcake break!
2 comments:
hi julie, it's anonymous again.
thanks for pointing me to this page. i'm really glad for you that you've beaten cancer and you're ok now. you certainly sound that way, from what i've read :)
i found you on one of the listener pages on last.fm - i think it was carole king - and your smile just leapt out from the page! which led me here, obviously. so here i am reading your rather fascinating blog (honestly) over the last day or so. so thanks.
i think you could be a tiger instead. zodiacally, i mean.
Hi anonymous!
I'm glad that you are enjoying my blog. And thank you for your nice words.
I hope that you like it enough to turn into a regular reader!
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