An end to the email forwards??

While eating lunch at my desk today, I received an email message from my Mom. This isn't unusual, I receive at least 5 emails from her each and every day and not one of them is written by her, every one is something she has forwarded.

I handle all of these emails in the same manner. I scroll through the multiple headers (deleting this crap is apparently a foreign concept to the serial forwarder) from the previous senders until I get to the beginning of the message and begin reading. If it doesn't captivate my attention immediately, it gets deleted. If it is pertaining to golf, menopause, growing up in the 50's, or any other like minded subjects, it gets deleted and I momentarily ponder, "Why would she send me that?" If it is clearly an urban legend or something offering false information then I reply with a link that points out the problems/inaccuracies in the message. If the email requires you to forward to 10 people or more if you REALLY want your wish to come true then I delete it IMMEDIATELY! I had trouble with this last one for a while thinking that I have had my share of bad luck and am generally the kind of person that likes it when good things happen but I decided that I would likely bring myself better karma simply by not filling others email boxes with a bunch of crap.

So you can imagine how excited I was to see the following email today:

To: Darling Daughter, many others
From: Mom
Subject: FW: I'M STILL WAITING...

I'M STILL WAITING....

I did what you told me, I sent the email to 10 people like you said and I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen.



To all my friends who in the last year sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something, NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKED!

For 2009, could you please just send money, VODKA chocolate, movie tickets or petrol vouchers instead?

Thank you!

Immediately after reading it I dialed my mother's office phone and with great excitement asked if she was serious about not sending any more forwards. She laughed in a very maniacal way and said, "No!"

Damn! I was so hopeful!

Another ditty from my witty colleague (ditty from last week) regarding his next business trip.

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I'm really hating the burn ban right now. I miss my wood stove fire.

Therefore, I'd like to go to Las Vegas and get a room on the top floor of the Monte Carlo.

I hear the blackened salmon dish is yummy right now.

Their flaming drinks are on special as well.

Since my love life is flaming out up here, I might have a better time there.

I like the melted chocolates that they put on your pillow, when they turn down your bed.

Be careful what you ask...

This is the response that I colleague of mine gave when faced with the question, "What are you doing this weekend?" He is nuts!

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Yeah, I've got some great plans. I'm going to watch the entire first season of "Get Smart." Then I'm going to the King's Table Buffet (if you wear a big overcoat with inside pockets you can sneak out a lot of thighs and legs) for a late dinner (5:30 pm). Tomorrow morning I'm going to Clare's Pantry for some biscuits and gravy, then Bingo. After that I'll see what's going on at the Super K-Mart. I'd ask a friend over to play checkers, but I don't have any anymore. I think tomorrow night I'll see if there is a Square Dance down at Seattle Center. Tomorrow night I'm going to see if you can stay up until 9:00.

I've been cutting coupons and there is a sale on Depends that starts Sunday at Albertson's. I think I'll watch cricket or bowling Sunday afternoon. I'm actually pretty conflicted about that. I've been beside myself. I may treat myself to a Hungry Man Salisbury Steak Sunday night.

That pretty much sums it up.

Spam of the day

Received this morning. I have no idea what they are selling. Do slot machines use chips?

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From: "Holly Shafer"
Subject: slot machines sale

US$ 999 bonus with every new signup! limited time only,

Poker chips, numbered poker chips, personalised poker chips ,
The alluring Welcome Bonus is set on $500

This Song Make Me Think of You

I got the following email from my little brother, Jimmy, this morning.

To: JewellsinSEA
From: Jimmy
Subject: This Song Makes Me Think of You

I hope you enjoy it. It is called Kill The Director by The Wombats.

Cheers,

Jimbo

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The song file was attached so immediately imported it into iTunes and listened to it. It is upbeat, which is a quality that I quite like in songs, but after the first verse I was perplexed as to why it reminded him of me. The lyrics:

I’ve met someone that makes me feel seasick
Oh what a skill to have
Oh what a skill to have
So many skills that make her distinctive
But they’re not mine to have
No they’re not mine

Whenever she looks i read the nearest paper
No i don’t care about the soaps
No i don’t care about the soaps
Though i’m acting like i’m in an Eastenders episode

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director please

I pulled up the lyrics online and was following along and remained perplexed until the end of the song came along and then it was crystal clear... Bridget Jones.

Carrots help us see much better in the dark
Don’t talk to girls; they’ll break your heart
And this is my head and this is my spout
They work together; they can’t figure anything out

So with the angst of a teenage band
Here’s another song about a gender i’ll never understand
Here’s another song about a gender i’ll never understand

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director please

This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget
Bridget Jones

Oh, he knows me so well! It's not as compelling as when he called in the summer of 1999 shortly after I had left our hometown of Salt Lake City and moved across the country to start a new life to tell me that every time he heard Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks he thought of me. Or the time that he told me that every time he hears Wildflowers by Tom Petty he thinks of me. But this song is still fitting and oh so funny!

I have added it to my *Summer Mix* and will certainly smile every time I hear it.

QotD: Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Vox Question of the Day - How do you sign your emails?

With my initials, JAB. Occasionally I will change it but I would guess that 90% of the time it's my initials.

Originally posted on my Vox site.  Full post moved here September 7, 2010 in anticipation of Vox's closing.

Always Siblings

I read an article this morning on my RSS feeds from the New York Times regarding recent research proving that firstborns have a higher I.Q. than the siblings that follow. You can check out the article here: Research Finds Firstborns Gain the Higher I.Q.

Upon reading this I immediately send an email to my two younger brothers with "Sorry Guys" as the subject line and the link as the body of the message. This began the following email chain:

Dave (middle sibling): You may be smarter according to this, but I'm still taller!

Jimmy (youngest): Whatever, I am still the best looking.

Dave: I'm still taller.

Me: I can't argue with either of your points but I'm still smarter. :-P

I always have to have the final word! And I couldn't even think of anything witty or fun to say so I just restated the obvious which is just obviously annoying.

My brother thinks I am frigging special

I received the email below from my brother this morning. At first glance I was shocked that my brother who hates chain mail as much as I do would forward just a message, that was until I read it and then I cracked up! Enjoy! And Dave, I think you're frigging special too! :-)

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Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend... Just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows,
Screw farm animals,
Take the short bus
Or occasionally shit yourself...

You hang in there sunshine,

You're frigging special.

Possible Curmudgeon Harrassement

A couple of weeks ago I signed up for a subscription to Seattle Mayor Nickels' email newsletter. I wanted to keep abreast of happenings in Seattle and read his take of issues pertaining to the city. I have received one newsletter so far but then this morning I was unnerved to find an email in my in-box from the Mayor's Public Disclosure office.

It seems that a man by the name of Keith Gormezano has requested the list of subscribers to the Mayor's newsletter. The list is available to anyone who asks for it but it seems as if Mr. Gormezano has requested it in the past and then has used the list to send unsolicited email. Nancy Craver of the Mayor's office stated, in the email, "Mr. Keith Gormezano requested this list in August of 2006 and subsequently used this list to send a personal email to all 2,300 subscribers. Although we are required to provide this list upon request, I wanted to inform you of the request as well as remind you of some options that you have to protect your personal information." Ms. Craver goes on to suggest blocking the known addresses used by Mr. Gormezano.

I naturally assumed that Mr. Gormezano would use the address to send out some type of politically minded solicitation. But after completing a google search on Mr. Gormezano I am not so sure. The initial hit was a link to his personal website. I spend a long time looking at the contents of the pages but my initial impression is that he quite the curmudgeon. Things I learned about him include:

• He is a self proclaimed Freelance Administrative Assistant.
• He was once a member of Mensa.
• He only donates money to causes where he gets something like a plaque or brick.
• He has a bizarre "cents" of humor.
• He spent a great deal of time in 1986 creating a fake company in order to be listed on numerous lists.
• He's used up 75% of his allotted 20,480 KB of space of his yahoo group site to post legal documents about a former employers financial disclosures.

It seems that Mr. Gormezano spends the bulk of his time bothering and harassing others so the thought of him sending me unsolicited email make me angry. However part of me (the part who can help but laugh at it all) can't wait to see what he has to say. I will keep you posted.

Random Friday Thoughts

It's been an interesting and long week. Some happenings from my world.

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The Seattle Boat Show is this weekend. They have a show twice a year in Seattle and when they do they set up temporary docks on the south end of Lake Union and surround them with boats. The boats began arriving early in the week and by Wednesday they had mostly arrived. Wednesday was also the night they turned *the lights* on. They have 3 annoyingly bright spotlights to light up the boats (I am sure for security reasons) but they are really bright and really annoying.

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I finally got the Christmas tree taken down. I would think it super-tacky that it was still up on the 20-something day of January except the lady across the street still has her tree proudly displayed in her window with absolutely no indication that she plans to take it down.

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It turns out that Pit Bulls are much more annoying than Terriers.

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I get very upset when people take advantage of the fact that I am nice and accommodating.

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WOO HOO! Just got a PO for 2 pieces of equipment!

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I have seen news stories about the different lottery scams that have been circulating for quite some time via email but I had yet to receive one until early this week. My email address must have popped up on all of the lottery schemers lists this week because I have received nearly a dozen offers.

Also, they are addressed with some kind of notation about friendship in the greeting like "Hello old friend" "My dear friend"

I don't think that wanting to rip me off qualifies you as my friend.

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The lymphatic system is fascinating to me.

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Well that's all for now. Happy Friday!

Free White Jugs

I received this following email this morning and it made me chuckle, it's so random.

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Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 11:00 AM
To: Entine Company
Subject: Free White Jugs

Hello,

These jugs must go by end of today. There are about 50 jugs with caps, white, and 1 gallon in size. They are in the warehouse in front of the R&D doors. Help yourself to as many as you like.

Sibiling Conversation

An email exchange between my brother Dave and I on Wednesday, November 22.

Julie Anne: Have you seen this movie?

Dave: Can't say that I have...you?

Julie Anne: Nope I didn't even know about it. I have added it to my NetFlix list. I will check it out and let you know. It's time to set up the Christmas tree on Friday, I can't wait to be Clark again. :-)

Dave: You've been listening to Christmas music for a couple of weeks, which means you've been Clark for a while..... :-)

Julie Anne: But I held out until November 10th, that's pretty good for me.

Dave: I've been singing and humming them lately. Very excited for Christmas this year.

Julie Anne: Have you listened to any on CD yet? You should crack out some CD's for the drive to Thanksgiving tomorrow.

Dave: Already on my iPod and ready to go.

Julie Anne: Guess what was just delivered to my desk... Roy Roger's and Dale Evans Christmas CD.... can you say "hoarses, hoarses, hoarses" ;-)

Dave: I can see how the Utah public school education is paying off……can the horses not talk?

Wednesday Mutterings

I stopped on the way home from work yesterday to fill my gas tank. A few months back I started taking a slight detour on my way home to get gas at the Safeway because I get an additional discount with my Safeway card, usually .10 cents per gallon. While I was pumping my gas yesterday the clerk waved at me and asked me to come in the store. I have gotten to know him over the past few months as he seems to be the only one working when I am there. As soon as I hit the door he shared with me that they had been robbed at gunpoint the day before and asked if I wanted to see the tape. He had just finished showing it to another customer. I stood and watched the 15 seconds of tape as a masked man walked in the store and up to the counter, pointed the gun and walked out with the contents of the cash register in a plastic Safeway bag. I told the clerk that I was glad that he was okay and left the store to finish pumping my gas.

On the way home is occurred to me that maybe I want to find a new place to get gas, but then I did pay $2.75/gallon yesterday. Decisions, decisions.

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I received an email yesterday and I don’t know who it’s from…

Hi Julieanne,now you have my email address, will be fine to see you in October.Love ya, “New Friend?”

I don’t quite know what to do, I don’t remember meeting anyone new, but evidentially I am seeing them in October! :-)

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What part of “Quiet Zone” is so difficult to understand?

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Since I began working in the *beautiful Kent valley* over 18 months ago the fields directly north and east of our building have been filled with weeds. Well two weeks ago they began construction additional buildings in those fields. All day long they dig and drive big trucks and equipment around. They have not started any real construction yet and already I am sick of it. They are kicking up all kinds of dirt so my car is dirty all of the time and the constant movement of large trucks and equipment is causes our whole building to shake. The mini-earthquakes are driving me nuts.