Steps 7 - 10

I wrote this post weeks ago (12/11/06) and I don't know why it didn't get posted then but I was clearing out my drafts folder this evening I found it and decided to post it.

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It's been quite a while since I have reported on my progress in the Doormat Recovery Program. Actually I have been progressing just fine, I just haven't documented it here.

Step 7 - Successfully use the word "no."

Step 8 - Put the puzzle away. I am ready to admit that no one is ever going to finish it and it's mere presence bugs me.

Step 9 - Add up the losses and formulate a plan.

Step 10 - Finally admit to myself that I didn't do anything wrong and really believe it.

Both Sides Now

The end of yet another year bring a time of reflection about the past year and more. And a chance to think about the future from a slightly different angle. Tomorrow begins a whole new year and I wonder what is in store for me.

I recall a conversation with my sister several years ago when she shared with me that she has gone back throughout her life and defined each year with a single word or phrase to sum the activities, experiences and lessons learned for the year. As a result of that conversation I often do the same at the end of each year. I have yet to go back through my life and define the theme for each year but my theme's from the past few years are:

2002 - Cancer
2003 - Raw
2004 - Where do I go from here?
2005 - A new life

This has been an amazing year for me. I welcomed my first nephew into the world. I learned a tremendous amount about myself. I succeeded at work. I did very well in school. I have nurtured and loved those around me. I have seen the best in others. I have seen the worst in others. I have been hurt. I marked another year in a cancer free life. And I am a better person for it all.

I always thought that the song Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell was kinda stupid. I heard it again this fall and had a whole new appreciation for it. I have seen the world from both sides now and although I sometimes miss seeing it as a child, I appreciate the lessons that seeing it as an adult have taught me and realize that even with that knowledge every year brings surprises and changes that I really can't anticipate.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "I love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.

So now I head into 2007. I don't know how it will all end but I have a few things that I hope are big parts of 2007 including learning and growing at work, succeeding at school, spending time with friends that I adore, watching my nephew grow and taking it all one day at a time.

Happy New Year!

Step 6

I found an email correspondence from 9/11/06 in which a friend and I agreed that the official motto of the doormat is...

Expect nothing, get less.

Step 6 in the Doormat Recovery program is not living by this motto anymore!

Step 5

Step 5 in the Doormat Recovery Program - Self Hypnosis

Steps 2 - 4

I have figured out steps 2 through 4 of the Doormat Recovery Program!

Step 2 - NetFlix! Lots and lots of movie watching from NetFlix.

Step 3 - Teach myself to crochet and make something.

Step 4 - Working out! It's amazing how much better you feel about everything after 40 minutes of cardio!

Step 1

If the Doormat Recovery Program is a 12-step program, I think I have figured out the first step.

1. Purchase the official doormat and place it outside of your residence.

I will have to get right on that!

Wednesday Morning Brain Dump

I ordered a DVD player for my bedroom last week. It arrived at the office on Monday and was waiting for me when I arrived yesterday morning. It sat on the corner of my desk all day and I couldn't wait to get home and hook it up last night, especially since I just received 2 new movies from NetFlix. When I arrived home I opened the box and took out all the cords, paperwork and electronic stuff. I went to work finding and outlet for it and then once I had it plugged into a power source I went to connect it to the input jacks on my TV. Only one problem, my TV doesn't have input jacks. AAAHHHH! The TV is only a few years old so I just assumed that it would and it didn't occur to me to check before buying a DVD player. I took the owners manual and a glass of wine out onto the deck and paged through it hoping a solution would just pop out from the pages. And right on the front page of the "Quick Use Guide" was the following notation:

"If your TV has only a single Antenna In jack, you will need an accessory RF modulator. The RF modulator converts the video from the DVD player so it can play through the TV's Antenna connector. Refer to your owner's manual for proper connection."

Hooray! A solution, thank goodness! I really didn't want to have to buy a new TV. A quick google search on RF Modulators and I was in the know. I found a small one made by the same manufacturer of my new DVD player on Amazon.

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I offered some cantaloupe to a co-worker this morning by extending the Tupperware dish with small chunks of cantaloupe in it towards him and asking, "Cantaloupe?"

He replied, "I am married so I cannot elope with you."

I chuckled very little; his word puns bug me most of the time.

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I am feeling like a very well worn doormat this week. In order to prevent myself from continuing down the doormat path I am trying to identify what I do that leads to my being a doormat. The first order of business is to remove "my ad" from the universe!

Female seeks friendship - If you are interested in having someone nurture you, rescue you, drive you around, feed you, listen to you, cry with you, support you, love you and bend over backwards for you and help in any way she can just so that you can walk away when you are done; then I am the doormat that you have been looking for. Call and I will let you start walking all over me immediately.

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The irony of the week is that the person that has caused a tremendous amount of anger and pain is the person that kept suggesting that I check out Daniel Powter's music. I had heard the song Bad Day on the radio and liked it but had no idea that he sang it. I didn't put it together until I downloaded from iTunes last night. I have listened to it quite a few times since and it is becoming my theme song for the week.

Bad Day by Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Chorus:
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work up a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

Chorus

(Oh.. holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Chorus

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It can only get better, right? ;-\