I had lunch with a birdbath because I'm sexy and do what I want

I received a funky fortune telling email from my friend Mike. My fortune is above, to figure your fortune, follow the directions below.

Pick the month you were born:

January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I smoked
April--I dry humped
May--I choked on
June--I murdered
July--I did the Macarena with
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a permanent marker
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

White----------because I'm cool like that
Black-----------because that's how I roll
Pink------------because I'm NOT a homosexual
Red------------because the voices told me to
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I hate myself
Purple---------because I'm cool
Gray----------because I was drunk
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange-------because I hate my family
Brown--------because I was high
Other-------because I'm a ninja
None--------because I cant control myself